Assuming you made it through opening weekend in one piece, more or less, I’ll take this time to prepare you for weekend number two. Wait — what’s that? You’re already hungover from last night? Silly college students, it’s only midweek!

“I can’t wait until Friday,” is one of the most-heard phrases on campus, right after “the Steelers demolished the Browns on Sunday.” But it has come to my attention that we, as an institution, have difficulty waiting patiently for the weekend to arrive. It started with Thirsty Thursday, an acceptable extension to the weekend, perhaps because of the lack of classes on Friday. That student invention was promptly put down by McDavis’ attempts to erase Ohio University from the party-school map.

Anyway, Thirsty Thursday entered the weekly student regimen. Soon after came Wasted Wednesday. The weekend officially began 48 hours prior to its original start time. For the dedicated partier, classes became optional.

Monday and Tuesday have yet to be given weekend-extension titles, but they nevertheless are catching up to Wednesday and Thursday as premium drinking days. It seems like the days of the week are but one never-ending stretch of class, beer, sleep, class, beer, sleep, with a shower or two thrown in for good measure.

If you see your study nights turning into games of beer pong and your afternoon movie turning into afternoon margaritas, then yes, I am talking to you.

Weekend extension is a good thing if you like to drink. Weekend extension is a bad thing if you like good grades. My surefire recipe for managing both the booze and your grade point average goes a little something like this: Three nights of beer pong, two nights at the bars and two nights of sober sleep with a pinch of don’t drink the night before your 8 a.m. classes.

Don’t do a keg stand before you consume Junction Punch. Do eat dinner before you go to dollar shots.  I offer you no other advice on how to prevent this drinking epidemic. There is nothing I can say to make you drink less. Maybe the administration could think of something … sober activities in Baker University Center, perhaps?