It’s Sunday morning, 10 a.m. A girl walks down the street in a skirt and heels. She does not look like she’s going to church.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the “walk of shame.” If you don’t know what it is … maybe you should ask a friend.

When a girl walks home after a particularly rough night of drinking, most likely between the hours of 8 a.m. and noon, this constitutes a walk of shame.

When said girl has mascara smudged down her cheek and a disgruntled ponytail that could use some Pantene Pro-V, this is also known as a walk of shame.

When, upon passing the aforementioned girl, you get a strong whiff of what could be mouthwash, but is probably that final shot of Ice 101 she had the night before, this is, hands down, a walk of shame.

Take note: guys commit the walk of shame, too. But girls are the only ones who get noticed. This is what I like to call embracing the double standard.

For all of you shameful people, I’ve compiled a list of ways to avoid the walk of shame accusations this weekend. After all, it is Parents Weekend. Have a little respect for the moms and dads. Here goes:

1. Appropriate dress: If you know you’re not going home on a given night, don’t wear a dress and heels to the bar. Jeans and a top are at least somewhat less conspicuous. Unfortunately, most walks of shame derive from unintended sexual encounters. I guess you’re on your own for that one.
2. Appropriate dress, take two: Don’t wear men’s clothing home in an attempt to hide your shamefulness. People will know you didn’t buy those extra large Nike shorts to go with the pink stilettos you’re wearing.
3. Alternate transportation: Get a car. Get a bicycle. Get a scooter for all I care. At least you can breeze by the frat guys shouting obscenities at you.
4. Run of shame: The night before, pack a bag with shorts and running shoes. In the morning, put them on and jog home. You can trick everyone into thinking you are a dedicated athlete, and hopefully you’ll burn off a few beers’ worth of calories.
5. The Post-It: Cut out this article and put it on your fridge. Get a Post-It and write on it: “Casual sexual encounters = Bad.” Even if you forget about the Post-It after you’ve left for the night (out of sight, out of mind), at least your friends and their parents will get a kick out of it.
6. Go home: If you find these tactics funny but not at all useful, it may be time for you to start going home at night. Good luck.