The Post: Column

Wednesday, September 10, 1997

THE POST

Athens, Ohio An Independent Daily Newspaper Ohio University

The rules are a little different here

Kathy Krist

THE POST

Hello and welcome back to what some cleverly call "Harvard on the Hocking." My name is Kathy, and I will be your Wednesday columnist for the next ten weeks.

I say your columnist because my goal for the quarter is to serve you, the OU community. I will do whatever it takes to make your Wednesdays in Athens pretty darn good, short of buying you drinks Uptown. And today is no exception.

By now, your professors are past the whole syllabus rigmarole and are starting to challenge your mind with, for instance, the reading you had to do last night. If you are like me, the thought of buying books is still in its embryonic stage. So much for getting off to a good start.

Other people (I like to call them freshmen) have bought their books, done the reading and are threatening to throw the curve in all my classes, even those which do not contain freshpeople. Go figure.

Everyone is in the same boat when it comes to getting adjusted to life in Athens, even if we've been here all summer, praying for the day people would again walk the streets.

This is where I come in. I want to help you become acclimated to this crazy college town, even if this is your fifth year.

I don't have boring advice on how to survive dining hall food or how to ace your first test, so breathe a sigh of relief.

What I will do is point out a few things I feel make Athens unique - things that, in a few weeks, you will be taking for granted. Not all of these things are good things. In fact, some make me downright queasy.

First, one of my favorite parts of the walk to and from class: Universal Walk. You will find this phenomenon at the intersection of Court and Union streets. (Another, less-popular Universal Walk can be found at the intersection of Court and President streets by Chubb Hall.)

For a few glorious seconds, all of the glaring (and much-ignored) "Don't Walk" signs turn to angelic "Walk" signs, permitting you to cross any which way your heart desires, including diagonally.

A mortal human cannot possibly traverse diagonally during Universal Walk without the slap-in-the-face "Don't Walk" sign returning to its reign of terror.

Make it your goal to outwit the sign. I have made it mine, and I am currently playing evil mind games with the sign.

When it rains, the rules of walking on campus change. This is the only rule: RUN.

The pedestrian speed limit seems to increase proportionally to the amount of rain hitting the ground. This factor seems causally related to the number of OU students who own umbrellas - which is 17.

Umbrella owners are exempt from running because everyone is trying to kill them.

This is especially true of other umbrella owners, who can at any moment declare themselves owners of a particular stretch of sidewalk and try to push others into the street. Onlookers usually place bets on who will prevail.

You might want to purchase nose plugs after you catch the bouquet Perk's Coffeehouse throws to the Universal Walk area. The aroma of burning coffee beans just might cure any caffeine addict.

Other stenches your nose has missed all summer include the ever-delightful sewage odor that lives by The Junction, the olfactory treat that is given to students graciously by those fishy trees that seem to have been hand-grown by Long John Silver and, of course, hippies.

You should not, in any case, fret over these things. They will fade into the background once Athens begins to feel like home.

This will give you the confidence to walk Uptown, perhaps universally, to buy your books.

Krist, a senior journalism major from University Heights, can be found walking around in aimless circles on Court Street.