Starship Troopers is a movie that tries to have it all; war, romance, comedy, and co-ed shower scenes. It seems to throw everything at you so you can't focus on exactly how bad the film is.

In the future, alien bugs are responsible for the death of millions of Earth citizens and the Starship Troopers must seek revenge.

M.S. I have to admit, I never lost interest in watching this complete dung heap of a film, but that can be attributed only to the beheadings, keg parties, and sexual innuendo they throw at you to cloud your judgement. It tries to be so cool. It is like I was watching "Party of Five"... and then a war broke out.

B.P. I think that this job may be making me too critical, because I know that five years ago I would have loved this movie. But seeing it now, I must rank it up there with Showgirls as one of the few movies I have ever wanted to walk out of. And that isn't because what I was seeing was so terrible, but rather that it insulted the intelligence of its audience.

M.S. I almost left, but I still had some Sweet Tarts to eat, so I stuck it out for the lame-ass ending. But what could you expect, the enemy is so bland and pointless that this movie couldn't even end anyway. The point is just to show off the stars' heroics and bravado as all of their friends get their brains sucked out. They shoot, they kill, and their hair is always perfect.

B.P. They make the alien "bugs" seem so resilient, but they're nothing compared to Rico's hair. I would go into the plot so that readers know what we're talking about but, it brings up too many bad memories. I just wanted ass-kicking and war but instead someone allowed boring sub-plots and terrible actors to turn something potentially good into something monumentally bad.

M.S. Troopers suffers from what I call the "Connect-A-Bad-Film" syndrome. That being, the plot is such an uncoordinated muckball that some writer is somewhere saying, " How can we get Rico to meet up with his woman in scene 10?" Here's how, she just happens to be the one pilot out of ten million who shows up to pick him up. Hmmm ... what are the odds?

B.P. Okay, before I use up all my space making complete fun of this crap-fest I must first tell those people out there reading this saying, "THE MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SATIRICAL, YOU DUMB BASTARD!!!" I got it, but it's still awful. It did have some funny parts and the best special effects I've ever seen. Also, Michael Ironside delivers as the generic character of Rico's military mentor.

Final Thoughts:

M.S. Satire of war was the object. They missed on that one. Some quick pointers; Stop smiling so much, you're gonna die. Save me the tattoos, for God sake. Cast from somewhere else besides rejected "90210" stars. Get rid of the Nazi customs, because I don't care about the satire. Get Nitro to be in the football game. Make it less obvious for us who's gonna die. And please, no sequel. Even though the effects are outstanding and the jokes make me laugh, that alone doesn't make a killer film. It's the type of movie that is so outstanding at being bad, that it makes you laugh as well as cry that you forked over $5.00.

B.P. I understand that the film is supposed to spoof war movies and have latent content dealing with the future of mankind but I must blame director Paul Verhoeven for not using a great book in a more believable and better manner than the way he did. With better actors this film might have been decent but the acting is poor, just one of the many things that makes Starship Troopers worth missing.