"So, Erin, have you ever had a pearl necklace?"

I was sitting on my couch talking to some of my housemates when this question was asked.

"A what? What are you talking about?" I said, perplexed. My housemates were giggling in a way I assumed was mischievous. I knew they weren't talking about the actual jewels found in oysters or the false ones created in a laboratory.

"You know, Erin. A pearl necklace."

"No, you guys, I really don't know what that means."

The girls doubled over with laughter and made the common "We know what it means and she doesn't" eye contact.

"It's when you (have intercourse) and he (ejaculates) on your neck," one of the girls not-so-daintily explained. "Then you have a 'pearl necklace'."

"Oh, I get it," I said. "Uh, thanks for sharing that information."

Whoever said girls don't participate in "locker room" talk obviously never spent time with the female gender.

Someone told me I don't reach the male audience of Just Browsing readers, that I tailor my writing for women. So, as a good reader-responsive columnist, I am devoting this article to the guys I subconsciously have forgotten this quarter, not only in hopes of forgiveness, but also to ease the lack of knowledge imbued in male and female relationships.

Now, I can't say girls talk more about sex than guys because all true discussions are closed to the opposite gender. Only with thin walls or a large keyhole could a member of the other sex overhear these lowbrow scenes. But I can say many girls talk about sex a lot and in crude, bawdy terms.

So, as you fellows cruise the Uptown "meatlockers" or don flashy swimsuit trunks and head for spring break hookups, keep this in mind - we know, we remember and we will tell others.

So, watch out.

To quell some of your possible male insecurities, I have compiled a few guidelines for those concerned males to follow. Remember, although I am a female, I am just a columnist who doesn't always know what she is talking about. But then again, I might. So read on.

Rules for "Romeos"

1.) The "Feel My Jimmy" Guy - No matter how excited you are, please do not grab a woman's hand and place it on your genital area. If we wanted to touch you there, we would. I once briefly dated a guy in high school who tried this maneuver on me and I relayed the information to one of my girlfriends a few months ago. It turned out he is attending the same college as her and is friends with her. "I can never look at him in the same way again!" my friend exclaimed. See what I told you? Word gets around.

2.) The "Marry Me" Guy - Do not profess your love for a woman unless you are 99 percent certain the feeling is mutual. Doesn't it scare you if a woman tells you she loves you after only three dates? Well, we feel the same way. Do not tell her about the times you've followed her to class, hoping to catch a whiff of her perfume (which, you also bought a bottle of and spray around your room to remind yourself of her.) Do not tell her you changed the password of your Hotmail account to her name. Unless she is crazy about you, she will think you are a stalker, ditch you and warn all of her friends not to go out with you. Believe me.

3.) The "BVD" Guy - We know underwear choice is all about comfort. We know it would be painful for most of you to run a mile or play basketball in boxers. But please, if there is a slight chance you might be undressing in front of a woman, take precautions. Most girls are not turned on by the "tighty-whiteys" your mother sent you in a care package. And most girls are not turned on by wild, leopard-print thong underwear. Boxers are your safest bet when out on the prowl. Although it is low on the list of after-hookup questions, underwear choice is on there and thoroughly discussed.

4.) The "Saintly" Guy - Religion is a personal choice, and most people choose mates who follow their same beliefs. But please, if you are in a relationship with a woman, be clear on your decisions. Either have sex or don't - there really isn't any gray, pious area in between. I once dated a very religious guy and his way of dealing with the Ten Commandments was to have sex and then pray to God for forgiveness right afterward. Not only was it unromantic, but it mentally was damaging and freaky. So, a word to the wise - talk to your partner, make a joint decision and stick with it. And please, if you are having relationship problems, don't blame it on Satan. It just doesn't work.

5.) The "Smell My Feet" Guy - Although you might gain status with your friends by the rumbles of your gas or the length of your belches, please keep these traits to yourself while courting a woman. I have heard stories from friends who were disgusted by the pull-my-finger nature of males. Women are not dainty creatures who have to be sheltered from the "manly world," but there are just some things that don't help romantic chemistry. Farts, burps and Jim Carrey impersonations are some of them.

Please note not all women divulge details about guys and sex. But most do and you should be prepared. Yes, we talk about size and shape. Yes, we talk about performance, stamina and what color your boxers were. So if you happen to be at a bar or gettin' hot-and-heavy with your date on a beach after finals are over, just follow the rules and you should be fine. But most of all, just be yourself. If a woman likes you, she'll overlook your BVDs or your belching contests. I promise.

Sullivan, who is a sinner with a potty mouth, can be reached at es427096.