I hate Cleveland. As a Pittsburgh fan, it's second nature. I hate the Indians and I despise the Browns. There is nothing I like more than expounding about my hatred for the Browns and the Indians.

With the Steelers-Browns opener on the horizon, I knew in my heart that Jeff Arra would write some nefarious column bashing the Steelers and praising his beloved Brownies. As a devoted Steelers fan and responsible journalist, I knew what I had to do. I had to write.

I must start off by stating that I am glad the Browns are back. Everyone needs an enemy. Good always needs bad, or else how else would you know what good is. Captain Ahab needs Moby Dick, Al Bundy needs Peg and the Steelers need the Browns. The Black-and-Gold are in desperate need of a rival, The Jaguars wear expansion teal, a no-no in my book, and the Bengals are the "Bungles." In some cosmic joke, the Steelers need the Browns.

Not only do I hate the Browns, I hate their fans even more. Don't get me wrong, some of my best friends are Browns fans. Well, they are my friends until their brainwashing kicks in. Not only do they often sound moronic, but they sound stupid as well (I feel the need to dumb down my writing since Cleveland people are reading).

A typical Browns fan's conversation about the Browns-Steelers rivalry sounds something like this:

Browns fan: "Dude, we might only win four games this season, but we'll beat the Steelers twice, dude. Guaranteed."

Occasionally, they follow it up with an equally intelligent bon mot.

"We're going to have one of the top four defenses in the league this year, I don't think you understand."

What I do understand is that the Browns haven't beaten the Steelers since the immobile Bernie Kosar outplayed the equally horrific Bubby Brister. By the time the Browns left Cleveland, the team was little more than a dumping ground for hapless veterans. I can say that the carpetbagging Art Modell did Cleveland a favor by allowing them a chance for a fresh start.

Instead of debasing the hapless Browns anymore, I will turn my journalistic attention to praising the Steelers and all that they stand for, i.e. I.C. Light and good ol' fashioned smashmouth football.

There is not much more to say, being that everyone knows the Steelers are going to beat the Browns, and most are also aware the Steelers are great and the Browns suck.

Final prediction: Steelers 38-17. It's going to be a long season Browns fans.

Greenberg can be showered with praise or scorn at jg371997.