I'm fairly positive that around 300 B.C. Plato and Aristotle engaged in philosophical conversations concerning the transcendence of competition beyond political, social and lingual boundaries. If they didn't, they should have.

Research has shown men from all walks of life like to talk about sports. During the summer I befriended two crazy Irishmen. Upon learning we three are keen on soccer, we immediately struck up a conversation. Following twenty-five minutes of reminiscing over great goals and players, we focused on American football. The Irishmen were eager to experience anything that was uniquely "American." They had already acquired a penchant for fast food.

My friends traveled to Athens to visit me last weekend, and luckily, the Ohio-Northern Iowa football game was taking place Saturday evening. I knew that it would be a great opportunity to coach them on the finer points of tackle football. I was going to thwart their hunger, so to speak.

After some fast food, the Irishmen set out to sink their teeth into the game at Peden Stadium.When my friends and I finally met in the third quarter of the Ohio-Northern Iowa football game, they appeared as though they were trying to comprehend Einstein's Theory of Relativity. In an attempt to understand the action, they fired a barrage of questions at me:

"Why are da lad's hands in his mate's arse?"

"Uh, the quarterback, in order to begin the offensive play, is preparing to take the snap from the center."

"Wha da ya mean offensive? Is he going to punch someone in der face?"

"No, the quarterback is going to attempt to gain positive yardage by running and by most definitely not by passing the football."

"Why don't da lads kick da damn ball?"

"It's not European football, it's tackle football, and therefore only the place-kicker or punter is allowed to kick the ball."

"How does da club score tree points?"

"If a team were to kick the ball through the uprights, they would receive three points."

"Where can we get a Guinness in dis park and run a-muck all over da place?"

"This is Ohio University and such rambunctious behavior will not be tolerated."

I'm pretty sure that after that remark, the Theory of Relativity would have been less foreign to them.

For the next two and a half minutes, their eyes were absolutely transfixed on the action. They were beginning to understand the rules and strategies of tackle football. But then something happened. The Irishmen realized that Ohio was being thumped and as Northern Iowa's point total became increasingly high, our attention spans became increasingly low. Eventually, we could no longer watch the football players, so we shifted our focus to the hot chics in the crowd (or "birds", as the Irishmen so eloquently referred to them).

When it was time for the farewells, I told the Irishmen that I would be visiting them in their homeland in the near future, and that they would be expected to coach me on the finer points of rugby, Gaelic football and Guinness curling. Sports and beer know no barriers.

-Paul, a junior English major, is waitin' to run a-muck after an Ohio tackle football victory. Send your comments to bp425397.