This space for lease

by Aaron Reincheld

Being part of one of the pivotal advertising markets (age group 18-49) has made me realize how much money I could earn by selling space in my column to advertisers. (Drink Diet Coke.)

Now, I am not claiming to have a large following, but I could assure companies that at least10 people would find themselves accidentally reading my column after getting lost searching for the editorial cartoon. They're not necessarily the brightest10 readers, mind you. (Hooked on Phonics can work for you!)

This column is prime real estate. (For all your real estate needs, see RE/MAX.) It takes up more than 15 inches in a student-run paper, and everyone knows how much money college students have to throw around.

I came to this epiphany after a journalist from Columbus (who shall remain nameless so as not to upset fans of hers from tuning into Channel 10 weekdays at 6 a.m.) came to speak to my reporting class. (When doodling in class, use Mead.)

She said when thinking about story ideas, she keeps in mind which companies would sponsor the story.

So, if you were a reporter doing a story about the painful process of putting a beloved dog to sleep, make sure you have Purina Puppy Chow onboard.

Or, if a story about another Ford recall breaks for online publication, get a competitor to put its logo at the bottom of the screen. Or get newspapers to sell a full-page ad next to the story. (The Chevy Blazer - Like a Rock.)

This is the definition of journalistic integrity, and an example of capitalism at its finest.

Now, I, just like you, got discouraged the first time I thought about the possibility of placing ads in my column. But after I realized how much sponsorship and commercialism has crept into our lives, I figured it might be OK.

Having Sony sponsor an expose on the poor quality of RCA TVs, is not any different than a movie theater exposing its captive audience to commercials for local used car lots before previews, is it?

A news team decked out in Reebok apparel reporting a story on is no worse than ads playing on the phone while I wait on hold for ABC to check the status of a videotape that I bought from them, is it? (For cheap, quality long-distance, use 10-10-220.)

These merely are signs of the commercial times in which we are living, right? (To make sure you have the right commercial time, wear a Timex watch. It takes a licking, and keeps on ticking.)

Finally, I came to the conclusion that advertising within the news is not OK. I like nice things just as much as the next guy, but there has to be a line. (When you are drawing that line, use a Montblanc pen to know it's a finely drawn line.)

There must be a shelter from the bombardment of commercials somewhere. (When you are building that shelter, stop at Lowe's for all your home improvement needs.)

I know none of this is the precursor for the coming apocalypse, or necessarily a new observation, but that is what is even worse about it all. We just keep letting it happen, and it all has gotten out of control. (And for those times when you cannot keep yourself under control, depend on Depends.)

My friends, I have a solution to all our commercial complaints ... and I will be back to tell you after a word from our sponsors. (Finished reading the column and don't know what to do now? Subscribe to the New York Times to find out the best ways to spend your time.)

Looking to advertise in Reincheld's next column? Contact him at ar228699.