Starting over: advice from a pro

by Ryan Ernst

As graduation nears, friends and family have begun to bombard me with the inevitable questions that accompany a bachelor's degree.

"Did it go fast?"

"Would you do it all over again?"

"What would you change?"

The answers to the first two questions always are easy: yes and yes. But the third has made me think. If I had to go back to freshman year and start all over, what would I do differently? Aside from the typical "study more, not skip class as much, work harder" response, I've come up with a few more changes I would make:

I would buy one of those window air conditioning units. It's the best purchase a college student in Athens can make. Although sleeping in the attic of an 80-year-old house sounds fun, trust me, it's no treat in April.

I would invest in pea coats, capri pants and Lakewood Recreation T-shirts, drop out of school and become an international playboy millionaire.

I would give more cans to the can man, go to the Nickelodeon and Greenery more, and eat more "oink and squawk" sandwiches at the Sandwich Sensation buggy. Who knew all these Athens treasures would be gone before it was time for me to don the cap and gown?

I would take more pictures, for the all the great times I couldn't quite remember.

I would become a regular at an Uptown establishment and have a drink named after me.

I would buy light bulbs in bulk. It's extremely difficult and dangerous to get dressed in the dark.

Now for all the things that I learned were probably not the best ideas - the things I would not have done:

I would not clean my house before parties. College kids looking for a place to drink don't care that your bathroom smells like vanilla. And the place will be trashed in the morning anyway, so you might as well save yourself the trouble.

I would not try to do my own laundry. Hidden red T-shirts and misused bleach have played me for a fool far too many times.

I would not buy a state of Indiana fake ID. Kindergartners could do better with some crayons and a laminator.

I would not schedule Friday or 8 a.m. classes, ever.

I would refrain from telling everyone at home, "Yeah, you gotta come up for Halloween." After babysitting the people you grew up with for an entire weekend, your fridge is bare and the only thing covering the vomit stains in your carpet is a nest of abandoned sleeping bags and pillows.

I would not earn extra money by whoring out my blood plasma. I'm pale enough as it is.

And I would never ever again trust a roommate or friend to "be the bigger man and not mention this to anyone" after a long night of Uptown debauchery. Apparently, to the college male, being the bigger man takes a back seat to mocking and feeling superior to one of his friends.

So to this year's class of freshmen, buckle up. It's a fast ride you'll never get to do again. May you make all the mistakes I did and more.

Ernst is a senior journalism major. Send comments to re340397.