The Yell

You know it's a productive Valentine's Day when the CVS pharmacist tells you his best-selling combo is a pack of condoms and a box of Altoids.

To the guy complaining about how hard Honors Tutorial College students have it... NO ONE feels sorry for you and your priority scheduling.

If the elevator in the RTVC building is going to take eight weeks to repair, that thing better serve me breakfast on the way up to class.

I know our women's basketball team needs help, but shouldn't they have more players than coaches?

To Justin Timberlake wannabes: Don't you think the turtlenecks are getting a little old?

I called the computer help line the other day with a problem I was having with Windows. They suggested I take apart my computer and make sure something's plugged in. I don't think ME taking apart my computer would SOLVE anything!

"Who Let the Dogs Out" is just a rap version of Disco Duck.

Like, omigod! Where's the RAVE at this weekend? My glow sticks are ready!

Anybody who thinks that Van Halen is going to be the same kick-butt band they were in 1980 should e-mail me because I have some great ocean front property for you to buy in Ohio.

Ode to my Ex-Roommate: Of all my memories, what could surpass that smell of putrefaction, that reeking stench of broccoli and crab-cakes, that nose-numbing odor of your girlfriend's butt?

Note to smokers: I understand that you refuse to properly dispose of your cigarette butts, but could you at least throw away the box they came in?

We will, we will... kill the Taco Bell guys.

Are the lights just dimming in this bar, or am I in a blackout?

Exactly how many Ping workers does it take to swipe my card?

Indoor track, also known as meandering alley. People, it's a track - run.

So you're down to one class this quarter? I bet Mommy and Daddy are glad they paid for you to go full time.