Making the best of loving, losing

by Michelle Everhart

It’s Valentine’s Day again, and this is the obligatory column on love. But I’m not going to tell you how wonderful romance is or that I plan on wearing black all day and shouting obscenities at all the giddy couples. No, I’m just going to give all the love-struck puppies or those still looking for the elusive feeling some lessons I’ve learned during many weary years.

Never tell someone you love her unless you really mean it. You might think you are helping her, but in the end, you could destroy her. No one wants to be responsible for someone’s undoing.

If you kiss someone and discuss the possibility of a relationship with her, don’t act like nothing happened the next day. Own up to your mistakes. Tell her it was the alcohol.

Never copy a song and give it to the significant other claiming authorship. No matter how obscure the song is, she will inevitably find out and think you are a baboon. If you are lucky enough, she will think you to be a cute baboon and forgive you — though never letting you forget.

Never, I mean, never ever give a girl a high-five after spending a whole evening together. (Bustin’ the rock, patting the backside or anything else you do to a teammate while playing sports also ought to be avoided.) Walk her home and leave her at her door with a hug, a shy smile, whatever. She’ll understand if you don’t feel like kissing her. Just avoid the high-five. You will never be cute enough after that to be considered a forgivable baboon.

Fail miserably striving for something grand instead of settling for something OK. Never accept less in life. Demand more — just make sure the first person you demand more from is yourself.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love her. She might be too scared to tell you the same thing. Even if she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings, at least you will brighten her day. If she respects you enough, she will thank you and you at least will be friends. If she’s a putz about it, then she isn’t worth it.

Don’t cling to past relationships, making you fear new ones. Cherish the memories, learn form the mistakes and know that love will come your way when you are ready for it.

Never use a busy schedule as an excuse to avoid a relationship. Either make time or admit that you don’t want to be involved with someone. Lack of time is just a cover for fear of being hurt.

If someone tells you that her previous relationships were with not-so-nice people, take a good look at yourself. You might not be the exception.

Although you might be nervous, don’t put yourself down on a date. Self-deprecation is not an attractive quality. At the same time, don’t boast about how wonderful you are. Be yourself and let the person accept you as you are.

Sacrificing love while striving for academic or career success is a cop out. Triumph is only sweet if you have someone in which you can share it. But don’t sacrifice school or jobs for love either. If the person really loves you, she will appreciate and applaud your efforts.

You can take or leave my advice. But know this: Love doesn’t come easy. While this is not exactly the latest-breaking revelation, it is the hardest to accept and understand. Love takes work and commitment, and in the end, you will have not only a lover but also a best friend that knows you better than you know yourself.

 

— Everhart is the associate editor of The Post. She also is a hopeless romantic and still believes in fairy tale endings and happily ever-afters, much to the chagrin of her bitter bunny roommate. She can be reached at michelle.everhart@ohiou.edu.