Forgotten Golden Globe Winners
by Adam Koehler
Staff Writer
Billed by unofficial host Dick Clark as "unscripted,
unrehearsed and unforgettable," the 58th annual Golden Globe
Awards was partially unscripted, totally unrehearsed and mostly forgettable.
Choosing Dick Clark to "host" the event made the ceremony harder than
usual to stomach, but the awards were really what mattered on this special
night. Nominees for all the "Best of
" categories are the basis for
the Golden Globes, but some awards are left unmentioned.
The "What we really care about" awards for the Golden Globes.
Best Dick Clark Moment Award
This was a real toss-up. Clark's motioning to Elizabeth Taylor as
to where the "unscripted" script was while she was haphazardly presenting
the Best Drama Film award had some real comedic value to it. but the winning
moment goes to Clark for his response to George Clooney's "the audience
members are all drunk" comment. Clark chastised Clooney for the remark,
only to show the audience that Clooney himself might have had one too
many. Clooney deserves partial credit, as his quip was the funniest thing
said all night and made that moment a virtual lock for an award.
Best Acceptance Speech Award
As with every awards ceremony, it was practically guaranteed
that there would be some very-memorable-bordering-on-painful-to-watch
acceptance speeches. When accepting the award for Best Male Actor in a
Comedy, George Clooney put himself in the running for this award by sarcastically
saying it was a no-brainer he got picked over the likes of Jim Carrey,
John Cusack, Robert DeNiro and Mel Gibson. But Renee Zellweger sweeps
the honor after running out of the bathroom when her name was called for
Best Female Actor in a Comedy. She held up the show for a good two minutes.
Worst New Look Award
Tom Hanks takes the gold here as a result of the new '70s-era B-movie-star
mustache that he sported to the show. His unkempt beard in Castaway
looked unattractive, but this takes the cake.
You've Got To Be Kidding Award
About halfway through the awards show, an actor by the name of Paul
Hogan came onstage to present an award. Hogan was in two Crocodile
Dundee movies and is now in those Subaru Outback commercials. He will
also be starring in Crocodile Dundee in L.A. Who ever would
have thought that would happen? The toss-up for this award, of course,
is whether the jokes are on us because of Hogan himself, or the prospect
of another one of his films.
No Matter How Well You Perform (You Will Never Win an Award) Award
Practically the Susan Lucci of the silver screen, John Cusack once
again "got robbed" at this year's Golden Globes. After his nominated performance
in High Fidelity was overlooked due to some kind of conspiracy
theory, it appears as though Cusack will never receive the accolades he
deserves for the many memorable characters he's brought to life. Perhaps
the prize lies further down the road for this loveable loser, just like
the women he wants in his films never want him until the very end.
Did Anyone Else Notice This? Award
As the cast of Sex in the City took the stage to receive
its award for Best Comedy Series, one might have missed the orange-ish
color of nominee Kim Cattrall's face. Runner up: Sting, because every
time the camera panned to him, he was clapping with all of his fingers
spread out like a 3-year-old child. And second runner-up goes to the actual
TV awards this year. Did anyone notice awards for TV stars and
shows?
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