Politics and the art of spin maintenance

by Michael Keferl

"The urge to save humanity is almost always only a false-face for the urge to rule it." -- H.L. Mencken

While I enjoy analyzing the soap opera of American politics, I absolutely abhor the idea of the existence of such political sludge in the first place. Politics should not exist.

When politics rule government, it pits at least two sides against each other in a search for absolute power. In their quest for complete control, each party has to slander the other(s) with propaganda and "facts" that make their own party look better. The victims of slander then come back with their own "facts" to dispute their opponent.

This exchange is always taking place somewhere in the world, whether it's an election year or not. To any straight-thinking individual this should seem ridiculous and insulting to one's intelligence. If at least two groups are shouting out "facts" that conflict, at least one group is knowingly lying to you. They are lying right to your face purely for their own benefit, and we can't tell the difference.

If truth ruled government, there would be no need for politics. The nature of politics is lies, slanders, spin rooms and focus groups. If candidates for office told the truth about everything, the choice of the people would be obvious no matter how much money each campaign spent on propaganda.

This is partially the media's fault for not jumping on obvious lies in the political arena, especially during this last election year. Spin can be controlled with a little journalistic integrity. Much of the political banter takes place in the ridiculous ads on television that consider the American people to be saps.

The soft, fuzzy smiling camera shots of the good guy and the static black and white shots of the evil guy make me reach for a radio. They have the truth and integrity of a supermarket tabloid, and the creative genius of a Geico commercial.

Former (praise Allah) President William Jefferson Clinton spent 45 minutes at the Democratic National Convention trying to convince us that we are better off now than we were eight years ago. He spewed lots of statistics, but we seemed to forget what now seems so obvious. If our lives are so much better now than before Clinton took over, why does he need to convince us? We would know darn well if we were, believe me. It's just an example of the spin and arrogance that infests both major parties.

If I were running for office I would be insulted if anyone ever called me a "politician." I'm just some guy applying for a job. If I'm qualified, the people will hire me on Election Day and I'll get a nice big desk. If the people don't think I'm qualified, I'll apply again when an opening is available, but I'll never complain about how I got cheated out of a promotion by a lesser individual.

Imagine that you are an employer and you have two different people up for a cushy executive job upstairs. Now imagine both people lying to you behind the other person's back in order to gain your favor. They're telling you things about the other's personal life, prior record and competency while touting their own as flawlessness. Wouldn't you be a bit insulted that they don't think you are capable of making the correct decision without their "input"? If someone is right for a job, the decision should be obvious.

Remember, we are voting to employ someone who will actually control our lives to a degree.

The best thing to do is ignore the politics of politics and learn the basic facts about each candidate. What will they do to make your life better?

If you want social programs that redistribute wealth, vote for the Democrat. If you want legislation that dictates morality according to God, vote for the Republican. Take the politics out of your government and vote as if you are hiring your own boss.

Why hire a boss who will take money out of your paycheck to give to a less qualified worker, or a boss who will tell you what you can ingest into your own body during your own time? Truth kills politics, and the politicians have no intention of getting on that kamikaze.

Keferl can be reached at mk253299@ohiou.edu