Money tastes the rainbow

Everyone’s been told that money doesn’t grow on trees.

Bananas, well, those grow on trees. They even grow in bunches. Large quantities of bananas, all grouped together growing ripe for the picking. Now that’s impressive. If only our currency was that easily accessible.

We know it’s not. Well, I know it’s not. I face this realization every time I check my account balance at the ATM. I want to weep, throw a tantrum and have a larger number appear magically. But, unlike those bunches of bananas, there are no large quantities nesting in my account.

We know money is not growing from the ground up. It’s not seasonal, it’s not something we can plant and it’s not something we can spread a little Miracle Grow on (although we all wish we could).

No matter how much of a green thumb you might have, money still doesn’t grow on trees.            

Can’t we just be blunt about it and say, “I’m broke because I make next to nothing and I can’t afford to spend money.”

I mean, really, in essence, that’s all that is behind the saying anyway. It’s something for us currency-deprived people to say to those with greenbacks playing leapfrog in their wallets.

And there are obviously people out there hoarding all the money. According to the U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing Web site (http://www.bep.treas.gov/), as of July 31, 2000, there was $539,890,223,079 in total currency in worldwide circulation.

You can pick your jaw up off the floor now. You read that correctly. Why can’t that be the number I see when I trudge to the ATM knowing full well the amount is less, not more.

Sometimes life just isn’t fair.

I think we associate money with trees because back in the day someone had a revelation that the green color resembles the leaves of a tree. And hey, trees supply us with paper to make money, right?

No, it must be the fact that a fair amount of trees are green. Surprise — that $1 note in your pocket is actually composed of 25 percent linen and 75 percent cotton.

No wonder they survive the washing machine.

So yes, currency paper is made out of the same materials as the shirt you’re wearing. And it is green — for the most part anyway.

The front of the bills are printed with black ink, while only the reverse side is printed with green ink. (That’s where the term “greenbacks” originates in case you were not aware).

So the paper elements of the U.S. currency are half green. Tree-green for that matter.

But is anyone really concerned with the color of money?

Green seems to work well, seeing as how green is associated with greed (and trees), and our country is definitely money-hungry.

Maybe this negative association with greed is why the federal government seems to care about the color.

It’s possible that next year’s Christmas card from Aunt Helen in Florida will have a nice, crisp Florida-orange $20. Or, if you’re lucky, a banana-yellow $50.

The federal government is toying with an idea they apparently stole from Skittles. They seem to want our currency to “taste the rainbow.”

Supposedly, officials say that changing the color of money will make it harder for those pesky counterfeiters to fake it.

It is estimated by the U.S. Secret Service that 47.5 million counterfeit bills were happily circulating around the nation last year.

With that number, one would think that money grew on trees.

While stopping counterfeit bills from being produced is a fine and dandy goal, there is no talk of any modifications to the art or design of the bills. Does the federal government think that different color ink is unattainable in this day and age?

Jim Hagedorn, a spokesman for the U.S. BEP, said in a Plain Dealer column that the treasury secretary has not signed off on changing the appearance of the money supply and that no colors have been chosen.

Maybe when the time comes, they’ll open up a poll like M&M’s where we can go online and vote for the new colors. Regardless, it all comes down to one thing.

It’s all about the Benjamins.

-Jen survived the weekend without an ATM tantrum thanks to her mom visiting. Send her your color choices at jl144100@ohio.edu.