Culture affirms boys' masculinity

He’s a G.I. Joe, thrashing his way through the depths of the jungle with a machete, willing to lose a limb to save his lady.

He loves baseball, football, sports, sports, sports. He can’t wash his clothes, won’t ask for directions and if you kill it, he’ll grill it.

He plays a mean rock guitar, and has only two soft spots: Iron Maiden and the ladies. He buys her dinner, buys her an anniversary card at the last minute and, from his La-Z-boy, rules the roost with a beer in his hand.

Our culture’s images of masculinity revolve around an inability to cry, a willingness to fight for glory and face and a subtle denunciation of femininity. 

Some men wholeheartedly admit to being gender neutral and mean it. Others decry assignation of gender roles, while calling their friends “bitches” on the street over the weekend. They refuse to support Take Back the Night if they’re not allowed to walk in the march, what some categorize as the “glory” event of the week, consequently boycotting an entire week of worthwhile programming.

Without assigning people sides in a battle, it is much easier in this column to simply address issues important to me. It’s not my place to declare a war.

I’m more inclined to simply pick my personal battles, elaborating on them here, and hoping a reader or two will learn something if they take the time between the front page and the crossword puzzle.

That said, to me, masculinity is ridiculous. Especially evident this past weekend with mom-defending-chivalry abounding left and right. It is what perpetuates Halloween’s increasing lean toward lurid Mardi Gras-type crowd instigation. It is what gets kids hurt in backyard wrestling, and it is what forces women into little boxes to “please” men and what drives men to conform to an image. Boys like hockey and snakes, not dolls.

In a culture in which nothing is changing, in which they sell Coors Light with a picture of a tanned, pierced female midriff on a roadside billboard — the average consumer is hard-pressed to find a product not specifically gender marketed.

One of the most horrific anecdotes Margaret Cho told Friday at Templeton- Blackburn Alumni Memorial Auditorium was about being forced by her father to watch only beauty pageants on television, so that she could see what real women looked and acted like.

It is a terrible story, but it is not just about women. It is not just about female beauty image in society. It is also about how it started and what pushes men — even today — to think that skinny girls are pretty, and the best gift for a daughter is a makeup kit.

At Kay Bee Toys this weekend, I perused the electronics aisle. Every box for a toy guitar or drum set featured some quirkily over-enthusiastic boy rocking away on it. The only boxes featuring girls were ones for the “Diva Dance Set” or a karaoke machine. Girls don’t rock, remember?

I was raised with a laundry basket full of Barbie dolls, but I wish I hadn’t been. While educators are taught to maintain a gender-neutral attitude in the classroom, it doesn’t always carry on into the home. If we can change one thing, it is the way gender norms are taught to our children.

As my friend said this weekend, “when I have kids, they’re going to play with sticks and dirt, and LEGOs. Gender neutral LEGOs.”

— Marah Eakin, whose dog ate all her Barbie dolls and LEGOs, can be reached at marah.eakin@ohiou.edu.