Not 'Scary Movie,' but still humorus

by Ben Grabow
Staff Writer

He’s haunted Crystal Lake, taken Manhattan, N.Y., and even visited hell. In Jason X, the latest in the Friday the 13th series, everyone’s favorite hockey-masked murderer takes on outer space.

As a new addition in the sci-fi, horror, naked-lady genre, Jason has a lot to live up to. Few movies get to the 10th sequel. Few television shows get to the 10th episode. But when you take a classic horror character, freeze him, thaw him out 455 years in the future on a spaceship full of dark hallways, mirrors and pointy things, the sequel almost writes itself.

Jason X boasts the highest body count of any Jason movie. This reviewer tallied about 26 confirmed kills. But sometime after 15, one begins to lose track.

Somewhere out there, some people have the job of coming up with 26 creative ways to kill a person. And whoever these people are, they’re earning their money. Within the first 10 minutes of the film, Jason manages to escape captivity, find a machete and kill eight people, just before he gets frozen. Talk about action.

And if the body count isn’t enough, there are plenty of half-naked girls. In the future, all women must expose at least 80 percent of their cleavage at any given time. It’s enough to make a guy cryogenically freeze himself.

Beyond creative death and revealing futuristic clothes, this movie offers… nothing. In all honesty, this is a truly awful movie. But anyone who purchases a ticket for the 10th Jason sequel expecting cinematic genius probably deserves creative death. Death by revealing clothing would be interesting.

At some points, this film crosses certain lines of badness, from just plain bad to ridiculously bad ­ ultimately settling into amusingly bad. Unlike a certain unnamed Britney Spears movie, you’ll only want this one to get worse. It’s like actually getting to see that convertible full of annoying teenage girls go careening off a cliff.

For this reason, Jason X is highly recommended. What with all the horror movies that have the gall to actually take themselves seriously, this movie is an island of unabashed badness. It’s just… so… bad. It’s pile-your-friends-in-the-car, drive-out-to-Nelsonville-and-see-an-awful-movie-for-fun bad. It’s so bad, you have to enjoy it.

So since the artsy film festival has left town, do yourselves a favor and go see a quality piece of cinema. Then try to contain yourselves until the 11th sequel comes out.

STARBOX INFO:

• Jason X

• Directed by James Issac

• Rated R for strong horror violence, language and some sexuality

• Running time: 1 hr 33 min

• Stars (out of five): three