Commercialism will mar Halloween

by Kevin A. Schneider

Anyone who has attended the last three Halloween celebrations in Athens knows exactly what will happen this weekend.

But for readers tingling with excitement in anticipation of their first Uptown Halloween bash, here’s a rundown of what to expect.

Ohio University Media Services will send out a feel-good news release praising the collaboration among university and city officials. The release also will emphasize the Athens Police Department's six arrests, continuing a downward trend.

Of these arrests, five will be college and high school students migrating to campus for a weekend romp. Last year, APD arrested 42, down from 113 in 1999.

And a few newspapers from around the state will print articles about how OU is losing its party-school image. On the other hand, several Ohio and West Virginia television networks will use adjectives such as "ruckus," "wild" and "out-of-control" to describe this year's block party while showing footage from past years.

At the celebration itself, 25 percent of revelers will dress as Britney Spears, 20 percent will dress as President Bush, 15 percent will go as prom queens and 10 percent will transform into jocks of some kind to show off hair and muscles. The rest will throw something together the same night and tape on a sign to let others know their disguises.

Along with drastic increases in the numbers of horses and drunken students on Court Street, Halloween also ushers in crazed commercialism.

The horses that some spectators will be petting and taunting will compete for the heftiest endorsement contracts. Banners will go up on horses around town. In the end, though, parties will be in court arguing whether the horses or the APD should keep the advertising dollars.

APD officers also will wear hats and bumper stickers from businesses to raise money so that next year the department can install hidden cameras in every Uptown store to catch Halloween lawbreakers.

In turn, the Uptown businesses will sell T-shirts marked with sayings such as "I shopped in a store that had hidden Halloween video cameras and didn't get arrested."

OU students living in residence halls will protest Residence Life's wristband and one-guest-limit policy by sleeping ••outside•• their halls in a peaceful protest.

The students then will protest terrorist actions by burning the wristbands while yelling chants against the Taliban.

University officials, in a move to gain camaraderie, will agree to visit the residence hall of their choice next year and allow residents to fit neon green headbands around their foreheads. The officials then will wear the bands for the entire week before Halloween.

"Remember," students will tell the administrators, "you can never take it off or adjust it. It must stay on your head at all times."

Athens businesses will compete for the headband contracts by submitting various designs. Yet Wal-Mart will underbid everyone, and OU officials will – instead of headbands – wear bright yellow and blue vests featuring the chain's trademark smiley face.

Leaders of OU's Bicentennial Campaign plan to raise $200 million by 2004. They will ask the university to require students to buy their wristbands to raise the remaining money needed to meet the goal.

OU's football coaches will lobby athletic and school officials to start a new Halloween weekend tradition by holding a Saturday night game each year in the middle of Court Street. The spectator boost would increase the Bobcats' average annual attendance, decreasing the likelihood Ohio would be downgraded to Division I-AA status.

When it's all done, city and OU officials will plan meeting after meeting next year to discuss ways to make the Halloween bash safer and less rowdy. But next year's regulations will stay exactly the same.